Source: digg.com
Monthly Archives: October 2008
Stupidity of Indians
A conversation between two local level MNS leaders in Mumbai
Leader 1: These non-Maharashtrians have and are continuing to destroy the Marathi culture and ethos of Mumbai…We Marathi manoos are second to none…After all, we have given the world Ambedkar, Gavaskar, Tendulkar, Kakodkar, Agarkar and many more kars…
Leader 2: Hah, these outsiders think they are great because they’ve destroyed our culture and ethos – we’ll show them we are greater by destroying the city of Mumbai itself!!!
So, the next day the 2 leaders with their chamchas set off with hockey sticks and match boxes to destroy the city…They beat up non Marathi speaking taxiwallhas and subziwallahs and set fire to buses, cars,taxis,shops,and vegetable carts…With no police action, their confidence grows…They then take the bold step of destroying stations and trains and beating up any non-Maharashtrians who come in their way…This rampage puts the entire city in chaos thus inconveniencing not only the non-Maharashtrians but also the Marathi manoos…
Hearing about the plight of their villagewallhas, Biharis in Bihar say,”How dare these Marathis inconvenience our brothers…We’ll show them we are better…” So, instead of first destroying taxis, buses and shops, the Biharis go straight for trains and stations…
The rioting in Bihar throws the entire railway network out of gear in the state thus inconveniencing Biharis in Bihar…
Raj Thackarey in his daily address to his chamchas,”I told you these Biharis are stupid…The reason for the rioting in our great city of Mumbai was to get the Biharis to burn themselves before they got here…Hee, hee, hee!!!
Mayawati for PM!
Setting: Two first time voters discussing politics and the upcoming general elections in their college canteen
Voter 1: I really don’t know who to vote for…All the parties are equally bad…With the general elections round the corner, everybody is playing caste/religion/regional based politics…Then there is the economy…We need someone new, someone fresh…
Voter 2: Yeah, I know what you mean…I was reading this article the other day and it gave me an idea…Why not vote for BSP and Mayawati?
Voter 1: Mayawati? You must be crazy!!!
Voter 2: No, no…According to the article, anyone who paid cash to the BSP regardless of caste or religion got a ticket to stand for elections in UP…There was some kind of a bidding system…Totally transparent…So I figured if BSP were to win the elections next year, Mayawati would be able to put together a totally egalitarian government…For the first time in the history of independent India, government favours would be granted not on the basis of caste, region or religion but by how much money a person was willing to dole out and by how many times he was willing to touch her feet with his forehead…This would mean an end to caste and religion based politics…
Singur Pujo
Location: A Lakshmi pujo committee meeting, para (neighbourhood) clubhouse, Singur, 2009
Paltu (Secretary, pujo committee, Trinamool thug): Manikda, what are you staring at?
Manikda (President, pujo committee, Trinamool thug): Arre Paltu, I’m just admiring the open spaces around the clubhouse…Ki shundor…Isn’t it like a painting? One day the entire state will be like this – open and lush…But there’s something puzzling me – where are the farmers?
Paltu: Manikda, don’t you know that ex-TATA land is not tillable for the next 10 years? The farmers who got their land back thanks to Mamatadidi & us are sitting at home twiddling their thumbs and depressed…
Manikda: In that case Paltu, we have to have a great pujo this time so that Lakshmi thakur (Goddess of wealth) is happy with us…We have to have the grandest murti and the best caterers…The farmers need to enjoy themselves so that they vote for us in the upcoming elections…They also need Lakshmi thakur’s blessings otherwise they’ll start committing suicide like their counterparts in Vidharba…
How much money have we raised?
Paltu: Manikda, Lakshmi thakur is very happy with us…It’s been raining money…As promised, Naruti and Lero Londa have sent cheques for Rs.15 lakhs each…Now we can have the biggest and greatest pujo ever…In fact, why don’t we have Lakshmi thakur’s face made in the image of Mamatadidi?
Manikda: Good idea…Life is easy now…I miss the old days when we had to go from house to house to collect chanda (subscriptions)…I remember at times we had to even break windows with hockey sticks, slash car tyres and intimidate the boudis for money…It was great fun…I wonder what Mamatadidi has planned for us next…
John McCain, The Feminist
Proud to be a Bengali
A chat with Bengali starlet and serial store ribbon cutter Raima Sen…
Interviewer: Raima, you have a movie coming out called The Japanese Wife directed by Aparna Sen…What was it like playing a widow with a 8 year old son?
Raima: It was very challenging… The difficult part was the body language…Aparna wanted me to look like a widow who is used to doing housework and very graceful in her movements… Since my family is privileged (for those of you who don’t know, her father is a member??? of the Tripura royal family and her mother is Moon Moon Sen), I’ve never lifted a finger at home…Hearing this, Aparna sent me for a workshop…During this 15-day workshop, I learnt how to cook, clean, swab the floor, make the bed, light a lantern and cut vegetables on a boti…There is a certain rhythm even to swabbing the floor…It was all very interesting!
Interviewer: Why don’t we see you more often on screen? Why do we see you more on Page 3 inaugurating stores and dancing at weddings?
Raima: I want to have a long career…I don’t want to get burnt out doing unnecessary films, like small, commercial films…I want to create a mark…In Mumbai there’s too much pressure…Girls are very replaceable; men are not…It’s important to create your own identity…The producer should say ‘I want only her for the film and she is not replaceable’…Because of my choosiness I have a lot of free time and I utilize this time by helping friends with their business ventures (stores) and weddings…
Interviewer: How is Moon Moon Sen as a mother? What was your upbringing like?
Raima: We’ve had a very modern upbringing…We didn’t do pujas at home…We speak in English at home, not Bengali. Most of my friends have been Anglo-Indians…
(The portions of the interview in bold and italics are from an interview given to the Deccan Herald)
Sarah Palin’s interview with Katie Couric- Part 2
Copyright © 2008 Creators Syndicate
Katie Couric (KC): Gov. Palin, how do you keep yourself updated on current affairs?
Sarah Palin (SP): I read newspapers and magazines regularly…In fact I read two newspapers a day…
KC: Which ones?
SP: You know the regular ones…
KC: Can you name them?
SP: Katie, I told you I read…I just can’t remember the names at the moment…You know Alaska is not in Africa – we are a part of America…We get all the newspapers and magazines you get here in New York…Can we move on, please?
KC: Do you remember the names of books you have read?
SP: The Alaskan Christian Evangelical Bible comes to mind at the moment…
KC: Gov. Palin, I’ve read that when you were the Mayor of Wasilla you wanted some books removed from the town library…Why?
SP: Please note that I did not have any books removed…I merely tried…Katie, you must realize that some books like the Harry Potter series, most of Shakespeare, Lady Chatterley’s Lover, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and A Clockwork Orange are not meant to be read – they are morally bankrupt and un-Christian…
KC: Aren’t morals personal? Shouldn’t people be allowed to make up their own minds?
SP: Absolutely not…There is only one set of morals that is acceptable and that is the Christian Evangelical one…
KC: I heard that you were also trying to ban health books and magazines…Why go after these?
SP: I don’t want children and young adults to be exposed to such books and magazines…They are nothing but porn…They poison young minds…They talk about sex and sexuality, pregnancy, abortion etc. …Do you know Katie, these books even have pictures of nude men and women?
KC: But these books are educational…Don’t you think if your 17 year old daughter Bristol had read Our Bodies, Ourselves by Boston Women’s Health Book Collective, she would not be having a shotgun wedding?
Sarah Palin’s interview with Katie Couric – Part 1
Cagle Cartoons
Katie Couric (KC): Gov. Palin, I’ve read that you believe in American Christian Creationism?
Sarah Palin (SP): Creationism is not a theory, it’s the truth…God clearly mentions it in the bible…
KC: So you believe that the Earth is less than 7000 years old…In that case dinosaurs and humans must have walked the Earth at the same time…
SP: Absolutely…I’ve seen pictures of dinosaur fossils with human footprints in them…
KC: Where have you seen these pictures? I would like to see them too…
SP: Oh, I don’t remember…I read so many books, newspapers and magazines…
KC: Since you claim to be an expert on energy, where do you think oil and coal came from?
SP: The Great Flood 4400 years ago laid down all the layers of sediment at once…That’s how we got oil and coal…
KC: OK…You could potentially have your hand on the nuclear button…Do you believe in the Doomsday Scenario when the Messiah will come?
SP: Yes, I’m absolutely positive I’ll see Jesus come back to Earth in my lifetime… “End times” which precedes the end of the world was confirmed in 1948 with the founding of the state of Israel…It marked the Jews’ return to the Holy Land, fulfilling a Biblical prophecy…I believe that by tapping into Alaska’s natural resources we will help fulfill the state’s destiny as the refuge for Christians when the world comes to an end…
KC: If the world comes to an end, won’t Alaska also be doomed?
SP: No, only Alaska and white believers will survive…
KC: What are your views on the current war against Iraq?
SP: It is all a part of God’s plan…He put George W. Bush in office so that he could start the “holy war” against Muslim terrorists…It’s a war of Gods… Anybody who criticizes the war and Bush will burn in hell…
Sarah Palin is at it again
Copyright © 2008 Creators Syndicate
Location: Briefing room of the Republican campaign headquarters
John McCain (JM): Sarah dear, you’ve done it again…I thought I told you not to open your mouth…Why did you have to highlight Sen. Obama’s meeting with Bill Ayers 15 years ago? Your comments have made us look like racists…
Sarah Palin (SP): But I told the truth, John…Sen. Barack Hussein Osama and Bill Ayers live in the same Chicago neighbourhood and they both were on the board of a charitable organization …The former is a black Muslim and is related to Osama…The latter is a terrorist who bombed the Capitol…As we all know in the great state of Alaska, terrorists are all Arab Muslims…By associating with Ayers, Sen. Obama is condoning Islamic terrorism…He is therefore an anti-American Arab Muslim terrorist himself… What’s wrong in calling a spade a spade?
JM: That’s just it Sarah…While it is true that Bill Ayers is an unrepentant terrorist and a menace to society, he also happens to be white born and brought up in the US…So were most of his “Weather Underground” colleagues… He has no connection to anything that would be considered “black”, “Arab” or “Islamic”, let alone “stereotypically black, Arab or Islamic”…You have once again succeeded in making us look like ignorant fools…
SP: Uh, Uh
Ramblings By Bones 