Why I Take Pride In Being Called A Bitch

A few days ago, I overheard a few strands of a conversation between 2 teenagers (1 boy, 1 girl) which not only left me stunned but gave me something to think about…

Boy: “…don’t be a bitch…”

Girl: “Thank you for noticing but I haven’t reached the bitchdom of Hillary Clinton as yet”

Saying this, she walked away leaving the boy gaping…

For the next few days, I couldn’t stop thinking about the girl…Every time I saw her around the condo, I marveled at her self confidence…Why wasn’t I like that when I was her age? I also couldn’t stop thinking about the phrase ‘bitch’ and why it had so much power over women and why it didn’t have the same power over the young girl…Was she special? Probably not…Did she have someone who gave her good advice? Definitely yes…

bitch

–noun

1. a female dog

2. a female of canines generally

3. Slang

a. a malicious, unpleasant, selfish person, esp. a woman

b. a lewd woman

4. Slang

a. a complaint

b. anything difficult or unpleasant: the test was a bitch.

c. anything memorable, esp. something exceptionally good: the last big party he threw was a real bitch.

We are all raised to be “nice”…Malicious, unpleasant and selfish are the opposite of this goal, which means the only way “nice” women become bitches is when they demand equality…When I was working, I always held my self back in the fear of being called a bitch, a demanding and assertive bitch at that…My boss, the media planning director, was always called a bitch when she asked us to do something especially when it was late, but the client services director was never called such names when he came to brief us at 9.00 pm…

After a lot of thought, introspection and reading up on the subject, I’ve come up with this advice for my daughter:

“Don’t hold back in the fear of being called a bitch…If you have a voice that gets heard, someone will call you a bitch…If you do something nice, someone will say that bitch is showing off…If you have a backbone, someone will brand you a bitch…There’s always the someone…Accept it…If someone calls you a bitch, it means you are on the right track…Live life to the fullest with a clear conscience and do what you set out to do …

However, this does not mean you should strive to be a bitch…Don’t be inconsiderate, mean or evil and never treat others with contempt…Always be reasonable and if you can’t figure out the line between reasonable and bitchy, talk to your friends – use them as a sounding board…If you do cross the line, always apologize and try your hardest not to do it again…

Above all, refrain from name-calling…”

Someday I hope we get beyond name-calling, but till then I take pride in some bitchiness…

[I am not assuming that the ‘someone’ is always a man…Both sexes are equally responsible for name-calling]


Advertisements

26 thoughts on “Why I Take Pride In Being Called A Bitch

  1. Bones, It is funny how such incidences can have an impact on us. I am sure the girl (the protagonist) of the post did think about it as much as you did! 😀 She must have kicked some dust in his face as she walked away!

    But truly, it is a very derogatory word! But then kids of today use these words so casually and the person at the receiving does not mind it either! Don’t know why! Reminds me of a guy in college. I would watch as he casually kicked the girls albeit in jest. I would always wonder as to why the girls put up with it. It looked rather cheap to me. Then one day, he made the mistake of doing the same to me. He saw an avatar of me that he is not likely to forget. I ripped him apart and told him not to EVER treat me like he does his road-side friends. That was the end of that friendship. I normally don’t react with such fury. But it pissed me off to no end.

    It is a very derogatory word and unfortunately, most people do not realize it…I remember there was this guy in my office who called all the girls he came in contact with ‘babe’…He thought he was being hip but I didn’t like being called a babe – I wasn’t his babe, period…I told him so and always gave him a dirty look whenever he uttered that word…I don’t know if he stopped using it because I left the company soon after…The thing that gets to me is that people take it lying down…They don’t want to create a scene by retaliating…I used to be like that, not any more…But I must say this – teenage girls these days are more confident and smarter than the teenage girls of yore…

    Like

  2. A very sound piece of advice, that!

    I had a boss who always used to tell me I shouldn’t worry about what people said of me at work because, “you’re not here to win a popularity contest”! It helped to put things in persepective and ignore the bitchiness around me 🙂

    My boss (the media planning director) gave me the same piece of advice…

    Like

    • “you’re not here to win a popularity contest.”

      I recently told the same thing to a friend. I say the same thing when a girl gets flustered around nosy relatives from in laws side.

      Like

  3. I certainly like all the letters and advices you give your daughter !!! Does she read them ???? May be you can compile them all and give it her !!!!

    No. she’s too young to read but I’m compiling them…

    Kids now a days, use so many words which we refrain from using (even thinking of using) !!!! I am taken aback at the way the other kids take it, when being called by these names !!!

    When my 12 yr old daughter comes and asks me the meaning of these wonderful words used by her slightly older frnds, I am just shocked with the casual usage !!!

    My nephews started asking their mother the meaning of slang words at age 5 or 6 so your daughter is a later learner!

    Your definition for bitch – like it !!!!

    Like

  4. That makes so much sense, Bones. I think it is important to be assertive and get work done. You are right about how men are never called such names, even when they do the exact same things! For some reason, a woman being assertive and successful is equated to ‘bitchiness’.

    ‘However, this does not mean you should strive to be a bitch…Don’t be inconsiderate, mean or evil and never treat others with contempt…Always be reasonable and if you can’t figure out the line between reasonable and bitchy, talk to your friends – use them as a sounding board…If you do cross the line, always apologize and try your hardest not to do it again…’ – This makes perfect sense. Am going to bookmark this for my daughter too!

    Like

  5. Oh I was the “bitch” at work, perhaps because I was a wee bit more professional and a stickler for quality. Didn’t mind it one bit because the people I liked knew there was a lot more to me. And those I didn’t want to get to know kept their distance. Convenient.
    All of us women have a bitchy avatar in us (as do all men), whether we admit to it or not. It can be quite useful sometimes.
    As for the term itself and taking exception to it – well sticks and stones….sticks and stones. But I do think we need an equally dramatic derogatory masculine term. P@*&k doesn’t seem as harsh as bitch somehow. Unfair.

    Yes, we do need a more dramatic masculine term – let’s think of one…

    BTW, couldn’t comment on your latest post – some problem…Will try again later…

    Like

      • ‘Son of a Gun’ is same as ‘Son of a bitch’ or bastard. The thing with most guys is that they use ‘maa-ki, behen-ki’ and SOB/SOG so often that it doesn’t hurt them. The connotation isn’t wrong when they use it with each other.

        That is the problem with bitch. It is mostly used with a bad connotation. Otherwise I have no problem in saying that ‘I love being a biatch at times’. I like it.

        Like

  6. Bones, why am I getting the feeling that you are getting a little too sensitive?

    These days, girls use the word “bitch” routinely. Really one has to think about it as just another word of common usage that has become very acceptable now. And bitch is not the only word, I assure you, that has become part of every day lingo; there are many others that are far worse, and openly used by girls now.

    If people in and around Delhi started thinking similarly about the terrible “abuses” they liberally use after almost each word, to add “masala” to what they are saying, then they will go crazy.

    Vinod, I’ve always been sensitive – that’s the problem with me…Even though certain words have become a part of every day lingo, they still hurt and the meaning isn’t lost even if they are being routinely used…I assure you, nobody likes being called a s*** or a bitch…Maybe men don’t mind being called a bastard or a ch****a, but most women take it to heart when they are referred to by these words…

    Like

  7. If you have a voice that gets heard, someone will call you a bitch…If you do something nice, someone will say that bitch is showing off…If you have a backbone, someone will brand you a bitch

    Loved these lines Sraboney!!!

    Like

  8. Good….

    Be assertive when something treads on your toes so to say.

    However, just be careful, as with time, language changes and words come to be accepted in a different sense. It may break your heart if your daughter were to turn around and say “But momma….this is normal and it is not meant to be an insult”….:-)

    Like

  9. Bones, this post reminded me of the discussion at IHM’s.

    I find it offensive when anyone uses that term because it is used in a derogatory manner and the connotation in which it is said actually applies to both genders but somehow it is always stuck to female gender.

    Personally, I say ‘ It is okay to be a biatch at times.’ 😉

    Like

  10. Very nicely said bones… Loved the way you have written it… I have heard about this word when watched pulp fiction last week.. But it used there in completely different meaning…

    Like

  11. I really wonder why the word “bitch” has such a powerful effect on women. My wife for example can’t stand being called a bitch – it really gets her goat up.

    How come there’s no equivalent insult for men? Let me see – jerk? dickhead? That’s all I can come up with 😀

    Like

  12. Goodness gracious me!!….lol
    you have revealed this age-old but well-concealed secret!!…..
    Not many people know that rather than being a goody-two-shoes……it actually pays to be a bitch….!!

    This is about standing up for one’s own self ……instead of seeking other’s approval …..or letting them get in your way.
    This is not about being mean and spiteful…..this is not about being arrogant and aggressive….nor being supercilious and snooty…..
    This is about being assertive………..It’s simply asking to be treated well and letting others know you expect it.

    Like

  13. Pingback: AajPruned « Avant Garde Bloggies Awards

  14. Pingback: Final Nominations in Avant Garde Bloggies Awards – 2009 « Visceral Observations

  15. Just say thank u a bitch is a dog dogs bark bark is of trees trees are part of nature nature is beuatiful so yeah thanks for calling me that

    Like

  16. Hey I am so happy I found your site, I really found
    you by mistake, while I was researching on Askjeeve for something else, Nonetheless I am here now and would
    just like to say thanks for a marvelous post and a all round enjoyable blog (I also love the theme/design), I don’t have time to read through it all at the moment but I have bookmarked it and also included your RSS feeds, so when I
    have time I will be back to read much more, Please do keep up the excellent work.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s