Top 5 Ways To Tick People Off

5. TYPE ONLY IN UPPER CASE  – Stop yelling, will ya! Your written work is not that important

4. Write like Dan Brown…Milk an idea (Christianity and symbolism) till your hands drop off…Tie bits and pieces of reality closely into fiction to create a fabulous world of nothing-is-as-it-first-seems-to-be, and then call it a work based on facts…Plots should be simple and full of holes…Writing style: action, long explanation, action, long explanation…Opening sentences should always be the same – don’t ever deviate from the tried and tested formula…

Da Vinci Code – “Renowned curator Jacques Saunière staggered through the vaulted archway of the museum’s Grand Gallery.”

Angels and Demons – “Physicist Leonardo Vetra smelled burning flesh, and he knew it was his own.”

Deception Point – “Death, in this forsaken place, could come in countless forms. Geologist Charles Brophy had endured the savage splendor of this terrain for years, and yet nothing could prepare him for a fate as barbarous and unnatural as the one about to befall him.”

Sentences like “A voice spoke, chillingly close. “Do not move.” and “…crawled out from under the canvas and scanned the cavernous space for someplace to hide” (Da Vinci Code) are a must…

Oops! I nearly forgot the most important thing – your tome should be at least 10,000 pages long and each chapter only one

3. Eat noisily – chomp, slurp, belch, fart – with gravy dripping down the side of your mouth and then wipe it with the back of your hand…Make Homer Simpson turn on his head

2. Go back for more items when the cashier is already checking out your groceries…Remember to do this when there are at least 10 people in the line behind you

1. Call pseudonymous bloggers ‘the anonymous elite’

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17 thoughts on “Top 5 Ways To Tick People Off

  1. Hahaha I love No: 1 “Call pseudonymous bloggers ‘the anonymous elite”. Is Vir Sanghvi reading?

    Me: Yes, from Vir Sanghvi’s blog post…Many bloggers are ticked off by his accusation…

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    • I know. I had planned a post on it but then saw number of posts getting tweeted on the same that basically conveyed what I wanted to.

      Elites take a bow. 😀

      Me: Taken, ma’am…

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  2. ROFL!!! Vir Sanghvi sure stirred up a hornet’s nest in several darkened rooms, didn’t he? Did you read his latest post though? Me smells a wee bit of damage control :).

    Me: Yes, I’ve read it and the first thought that came to mind was ‘damage control’…He’s sugary sweet to bloggers in the post…

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  3. I like the your putting the entire thing together so well.
    Do you think Vir reads your blog posts?
    I would not want him to.

    Me: Obviously, he doesn’t but even if he did, who cares…I believe in freedom of speech just as he does…

    Like

  4. Awesome list . 🙂 How about keeping a weird and loud song as your phone , and forgetting to put your phone in silent while watching a movie or during office hours ?

    Me: Ah, how could I have forgotten that…This is true esp. in India…What with all the movie song downloads? Ugh!

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  5. 🙂 great one ! i loved the Dan Brown analysis , if i got the name right ..now look here , i’m gonna borrow the idea for a strawberry fields post , ok ? with due acknowlinkment of course 🙂 …last point ? lost on that one….enlighten ?

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  6. Vir Sanghvi takes the cake. It is only in India that such a mediocre and pompous fart could have risen so high in his profession. Goes to show that in India it pays to be ‘professional’ about buttering the right guys, the rest takes care of itself! Now, thanks to the net, he is facing some real heat for the first time in his life. Hence the crib and the petty barbs; they actually define the man.

    Me: LOL! The heat is burning the seat of his white see-through (ugh!) pyjama-pants…Yes, he’s a Mayo educated, mediocre, pompous fart…

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  7. Bones! Classic quotes from books! 😀 As I read through such lines, I am like, “WHaaaaaaaaat????” How in heaven’s name do u manage to write like that and more importantly, why? 😀

    Me: 🙂

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  8. ROFL !!!! 😆

    Loved the Dan Brown’s lines – in a different way – today I was laughing. But now when I read the book, I suppose.

    No 2 – Yes, I’ve done it sometimes. 🙂

    Gud post, Bones !!! 🙂

    Me: Thank you! I’m glad you had a good laugh…

    Like

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