Please Tell Me I’m Not Paranoid

There’s this lady in my condo who is making me a wee bit uncomfortable these days…She’s a conservative Pakistani who is not allowed to talk to men except to her three sons…Anyway, she’s a friendly soul, in fact so friendly that she likes putting her hands and arms around or on me while talking…The other day, a few of us were sitting on the park bench and talking…At first, we had to sit quite close to each other as we all wanted to fit in on the bench, but soon there were only three of us left and foolish me thought the two next to me would shift away…The one on my left did but this Pakistani lady didn’t…She even had her hand on my thigh (I was wearing shorts) and refused to move it even though I was squirming and giving her uncomfortable looks…Finally, I couldn’t take it any longer and asked her to move a bit…She got offended and left in a huff…

Yesterday, I was standing and chatting with my friends when she joined our group…She put her arm around my waist and stood like that for eons until I moved away…Again, she gave me a look of displeasure and walked away…

I know she’s trying to be friendly but this touching business is quite weird…I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that she can only associate with women…Indian men do it too even here in Singapore…They hold hands and walk etc. …I hate being touched by anyone except my husband – am I crazy?


18 thoughts on “Please Tell Me I’m Not Paranoid

  1. I can imagine this being uncomfortable. Paranoid, can’t say. Sometimes the lack of physical or social contact in conservative society gives birth to a lot of hidden homosexual desires. I have observed this a lot when I was in the middle East, so really cannot be sure. Whatever it is, if it makes you uncomfortable, I would suggest maintaining some distance from the lady till she gets the message, like not sitting or standing right next to her, even in a group.

    Me: I agree with you…


  2. Sometimes we get these vibes from people. If u are uncomfortable, u shud make sure u do not stand next to her. these kinda situations can get really icky.


  3. I don’t know about paranoid – I think it’s mainly about a lack of boundaries, not so much about the lack of male contact etc – have seen this many times people sitting too close etc – it’s like “we’re all women (or men), what’s the big deal”. If it makes you uncomfortable, (as it would many people) – fair enough; I don’t think you’re obliged to be nice about it.

    Me: You may be right…It maybe her way of showing friendship…


  4. Others here have mentioned the thing about lack of boundaries. But you know the saying – “Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you!” She may well have homosexual intentions.

    Personally, I’ve been hit on by plenty of guys and sometimes go along just for the fun of it. Once a bookstore owner tried to get it on with me, once a guy on a bus etc, and as long as there’s no danger, I just play cloy 🙂

    But as for you, if you’re uncomfortable, give her the chance to gracefully move away and save face. Make a sort of frown/smile with one side of your mouth and make it very plain that you think its weird. Give her the chance to remove contact.

    If she doesn’t, then you have to bite down and take her hand away immediately as soon as she touches you. She should get the hint.

    If it still doesn’t work…run! Or play along for the curiosity factor 😀


  5. Relax Bones. Just avoid standing or sitting next to her. Most South Asians don’t respect personal, physical space. They touch, pat, lean in far too close. But, on a lighter note, does this mark the beginning of a gay fan following? haha


  6. Hey I ve noticed a lot of touchy-feely stuff in Singapore parks with young adults – so dont think adults would be far behind….maybe it is an innocent way of showing affection or maybe these are lesbian tendencies…my recommendation – when in doubt – reject. Stay away till you are proven other wise.

    Me: I’m sure it’s her way of showing affection, I’m just not comfortable with it…The only problem is that she’s so touchy about things that I’m worried I’ll offend her…


  7. It could be just because she feels you are both women so it’s okay, but this would have made me uncomfortable too. Some people have no concept personal space.

    I liked Bhagwad’s suggestion – give her a chance to save face, make your displeasure very obvious to her – she should take the hint and move away.


  8. Yikes!! Good you are making it known to her. Few more frowns and scowls and hopefully she’ll keep her hands to herself! Otherwise tell her very seriously that you have an extremely contagious skin disease;-)


  9. Not at all !!! If you are paranoid, then count me in too !!! 🙂

    Actually this is better – I had a frnd, who gets all excited while she is in a group – she’ll do all the talking, laughing out loud and the most importantly, she’ll hit ppl around her. If we are standing, on the shoulder. If we are sitting, a nice hard hit on the thigh. Then ppl learnt – they’ll stand out of reaching distance from her. And I never sit next to her. Even her husband is embarrassed by her behaviour.

    This pakistani frnd – try telling her !!! Maybe she might not like it all, but will learn that this how you are, soon.


  10. I remember in school days, we friends used to hold hands when walking. Once a new principal came in and he had experience from working outside India. He called us and told us that it is inappropriate. I wondered then. Later with all the new lesbian/gay information, it dawned on me that he might have had a reason. It might not be applicable to all, but vibes definitely mean a lot to me. I would stay away.


  11. Nothing wrong with you, Bones. I hate being touched by anyone else too, no matter how harmless the intentions! May be she`s completely harmless. So just relax.. like IHM said, some people dont get the idea of personal space. I mean literally too!


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