by Dalit Ki Beti, CM of Bimaru Pradesh
First, I just want to say it’s a pleasure writing for a blog that is not politically correct.
I was asked to write this column to explain the front page news in an English daily about children in my state having to resort to eating mud to satiate their hunger. I know what real economic hardship is like and so am the person to tell them, there is not a single politician alive who knows more about the misery that poverty inflicts on the poor than me. I know about it because I have lived it and may have also helped create a lot of it. Let me tell you this, my friends, I didn’t get to the CM’s post or on the Forbes’ list of billionaire politicians by mollycoddling the poor. Helping the needy will only empty my personal treasury, the state exchequer, and make them go soft. Slightest amount of mollycoddling and before you know it they’ll demand jobs with a fair wage.
Jobs for all? Fair pay? That’s not how things work these days. Do you ever hear me complain about a fair day’s pay? It’s not easy for me despite what the poor may think. The CM’s salary and perks are laughable and so I have to supplement my income by accepting garlands of 1000 rupee notes to fulfill my worldly desires and pay my flunkeys to harass people to keep me in power. If I lived on just my salary, I would be as skinny as Kate Moss.
So now you know where I stand on mollycoddling the poor. I see poverty not as a crisis but nature’s way of controlling the population by keeping alive only the fittest amongst us. Yes, I have read Charles Darwin’s ‘On the Origin of Species’ and couldn’t agree with him more. Too many people in the world have forgotten their place, too many people have got ideas above their station. I too got ideas above my station when I was young but now that I’m the CM, I don’t want others to get ideas. Start helping the disenfranchised especially the non-Dalit kind and you are heading for a slippery slope that leads to the overthrowing of the established order.
So how will I stay in power? I’ll stay in power by doing what colonizers did. Empires were built on keeping the poor in poverty and ignorance. There was no crap about educating the ungrateful wasters then, and there won’t be any crap about educating them now at least not on my watch. I don’t give a shit about the Right to Education Act because education only gives people ideas and as you know, I don’t want people to get ideas. Bimaru Pradesh is my personal fiefdom and I will do my level best to keep it that way.
If we educate children free of cost, who will do the mindless, repetitive, back breaking work that is required to keep my lifestyle and fiefdom going? Machines are expensive and need skilled people to maintain them and the problem with skilled people is they have ideas above their station. When people live in poverty and ignorance they are happy because they know their place.
If it were not for all these liberal idiots mollycoddling the poor and teaching them they have rights, there wouldn’t be a crisis now. How can we politicians-entrepreneurs be expected to govern a state where we’re not allowed to exploit the disenfranchised?