“Exposed!”

MUMBAI: Experimental and realistic filmmaker, Madhur Bhandarkar announced the launch of his new slice-of-life directorial venture Exposed on Wednesday evening at Taj Land’s End. His latest movie will expose the underbelly and overbelly of the IPL league. Konkana Sen Sharma will play a ‘babe in the woods’ journalist looking for PG digs in the big city and Salman Khan will play the star ‘big hitter’ batsman with a weird problem – he misinterprets the term ‘big hitter’ and always comes to the crease bare chested and starts hitting on the nubile white cheerleaders at the first opportunity. As a result, he spends the majority of the movie in jail, recovering from a Katrina Kaif kick in the b***s and getting tortured in the nude by the police. Model-turned-actor Arjun Rampal will play a ‘stylish’ batman who only poses and pouts at the crease in designer clothes and sunglasses while getting hit left, right, and centre by Shoaib Akhtar bouncers.

Synopsis:

Brought up in a small north Indian town by conservative parents, Meghna (Konkana Sen Sharma) always dreamt of making it big in the ‘city of lights’. She is nothing, if not ambitious and dreams of becoming the next Barkha Dutt. She arrives in Mumbai and lands a job as a sports journalist with a premier news channel whilst desperately searching for a place to stay. She attends cricket matches, follows IPL officials and cricket crazy politicians to sleazy dance bars, reads their tweets and stalks their mistresses thus getting a peek into the insidious intentions of tycoons, cricket administrators and politicians. Disillusioned, Meghna decides to expose the truth even if it means she’ll never be the next Barkha Dutt.

In telling the fairly ungripping, cynical and clichéd story of the innocent Meghna’s baptism-by-blood into the murky milieu of Indian sports and politics, Bhandarkar hopes to show how an ordinary citizen needs to be part of the democratic system to rescue it from unmitigated criminalization.

Like all his other movies, pathos and gloom will sit heavily on your shoulders throughout Exposed. Expect the usual dose of extra-marital sex, gay relationships, drugs and sleaze.

Genre:

Idealist who wants to achieve something big, gets dream job, discovers how cruel and corrupt the world is, goes through transformation, alienates family, friends, and colleagues and then becomes a hero by doing the right thing. Done to death.

Script:

Chetan Bhagat

[Please feel free to add to the cast and plot]

Alternate Plot:

Mallika Sherawat plays an NRI girl who comes to Bollywood with dreams of becoming a star but instead gets exploited and ends up becoming a cheerleader for the Mumbai Indians. The movie depicts her journey through the murky world of Bollywood and cricket and how she becomes the ‘bone’ of contention between Harbhajan Singh and Andrew Symonds which results in DLF Slapgate 2.

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20 thoughts on ““Exposed!”

  1. How can any cricket movie be complete without the ‘Ghost who walks” – in this case he is not the good Phantom – Sharad Pawar? His face may have been hit by a stroke but that has in no way diminished his avarice for hitting monster money ‘strokes’ be it in BCCI/IPL or Ministry of Agriculture. But who will play his part?

    Me: Oops! Really, how could I have left him out? Sacrilegious! Who will play him, who will play him…hmmm…Gosh, this is a tough one…How about Emraan Hashmi? Both have no facial expressions…

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  2. You need to fit in Sunanda somewhere as well. Either as a vamp, or friend of Konkona. Vamp preferred. Then you can haves several songs :

    1. “mera mera mera Tharoor…..” a la Himesh. This can be a duet between the hero and Sunanda, with Konkona shedding tears.

    2. “kabhi tickety, kabhi equity” , by the hero (as Modi), standing in the hands outstretched pose.

    3. “Bills to bache hai ji”, chorus by the Incometax Howlers, a new group.

    4. ” Tum paas aye, Sunanda Muskuraye, Tumne na jane kya, equity basayi …” Modi to Tharoor

    5. “Tweet Tweet karke war tumhi se kar baithe ” . This can be sung by anyone to anyone.

    Me: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! I like the way your brain works…Who do you think should play her? Parmeshwar Godrej?

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  3. Nice… I can just ‘see’ the movie. And can we please please get Dev Anand in the movie, any role please…… and then also Amitabh, and maybe some hunky white men, as the players from abroad… and can we please throw in an MMS scandal or two, it will just spice up the movie so much hai na? And can Yuvraaj also be there, and go shirtless with Salman….. wow…. this is just so so much fun!!

    Me: A clip from Dev Anand’s ‘Awal Number’, maybe? Or should he play Pawar?

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  4. I’d rather have the movie downsized without a big cast or (any) story – like those crappy Adidas ads. Bowler bowls, stumps are broken, bails dislodged, without the batsman. Batsman hits a six, without ball, the bowler or fielders. Lonely Cheerleader cheers on, without clothes or well… you could keep her clothes on if you want ‘U’ rating & maximum viewership for your movie. Umpire feeling neglected, gets frustrated, raises his hand & the finger – the index one only (remember the ‘U’ rating) – without any players on the ground.

    Just like in those ads, play out everything in ultra slow motion, having captured everything on 1000 frames per second cameras. No background sound, everything in black-&white. Remove all possible residual entertainment.

    Now, name the movie as ‘Impossible’, & caption-cum-moral of the story would do complete justice – “Impossible is nothing”! This will be hailed as the GenNext art movie! 😛 You’ll win the Mover Prize (motion picture equivalent of the Booker), those some authorities prefer to call it the Mower Prize for reasons known best to them. Before you know it, you’ll be hailed as a ‘minimalist’ intellectual, your opinion would be sought on everything – right from Naxal violence to *body language* of umpires (to make out if they’re into match fixing) to shape of Sunanda Pushkar’s glasses & their impact of Icelandic volcanoes. And finally, finally, finally, you’ll know you’re really famous & an influential opinion maker when bloggers all around the world will start posting your interview transcripts with your name changed, just slightly, that is. 😛

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  5. Ah, and I forgot contenders for best actor would be really interesting – thread on the bal’s seam, the left bail, right index finger and the boundary rope.

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  6. That was absolutely brilliant!!! But please, can we have a ‘Maaa’ who can magically fix the broken relationship between Twitter Tharoor and Lisp Lalit by making a traumatic dialogue at the end of the film?

    Me: So, as Suranga suggested, if Tharoor & Modi were twins separated at birth, their Maa would say on her death bed, “Meri kokh se janam liya…..” and then die…”

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  7. They are going to queue up outside your door anytime now. 😀
    Or maybe they will get ‘inspired’ by your post 😉

    No credit giving = extra money making ji *mantra of our filmmakers*

    You can then pull a “Chetan Bhagat’ on them. 😀

    Like

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